Mother's Day is supposed to be a day to celebrate Mum and all that she does for you, but what if you don't have a mother to celebrate? Being a child, and especially a daughter and mother, without a strong mother figure is hard. I'm getting very real and raw here but feel that I cannot be the only one out there in this situation.
Not everyone is lucky enough to be raised by at least one loving and caring parent. Some of us are born into situations that are far less than ideal. For many it is into a toxic environment that we then have to spend a good part of our adult lives trying to repair the trauma from. That's me, I'm that someone. I was born with a job, something that no child should ever be born with. My job? To be a source of energy to my mother and a tool she could use to manipulate others to suit her will. As I got older, and especially in my teen years that job became looking after all her needs, emotional and physical, which left no room for my needs to be looked after. Not long after I met my now husband she also informed me that it was my job to provide her with grandchildren, after all that was the main reason she had children, to have grandchildren who would worship her.
Many years ago I had enough of all the verbal abuse thrown at me when I stood up to her and make the hard decision to cut off contact with her. My health, both mental and physical, was suffering and as such my children were suffering. I did not want the cycle to continue, I wanted more for my children. Not speaking to your parent though is a very taboo subject, even in the presence of abuse. Days like Mother's Day often only serve to continue this with the idea that we should be grateful to our mothers simply because they gave birth to use. Giving birth does not make someone a mother. There is much more to being a mother than giving birth. As a mother we make sacrifices for our children, we make choices and decisions that have our children's best interests in mind and we know that they have no say in being born and should not be used as a way to make us feel better.
If you are like me, and do not fit into the stereotypes that are perpetuated by Mother's Day please know you are not alone. You might be childless, either by choice or by circumstance, you might have lost a caring much loved mother, you might have lost a child, your children might be your furbabies, you might be a mother figure to others. Whoever you are, you deserve recognition for who are you, not matter what you have come from.