Inner Calm Meditation - My Inner Calm #communicationInner Calm Meditation - My Inner Calm #communicationhttps://www.innercalm.net.au/blogs/tag/communicationSun, 22 Mar 2026 11:20:34 +1100http://zoho.com/sites/<![CDATA[Guilt and Compassion]]>https://www.innercalm.net.au/blogs/post/Guilt-and-Compassion

Guilt is the emotional experience that occurs when we believe or realise that we have compromised our own standards of conduct or when we have violated universal moral standards and hold ourselves responsible for that particular violation. When we feel we often feel a sense of regret over the actions that we took, or did not take. We generally only feel guilt over actions we see as bad or wrong. If we believe we are entitled to have taken the action we took, we will not feel a sense of guilt even if others would in the same situation.

 

Guilt isn't always a negative emotion. Guilt can be beneficial as it can make us take a moment to stop and think about our actions and even adjust course to take actions that will not cause us to feel guilty about them. Guilt can also lead us to offer up an apology when we have wrong someone. Being able to experience the feeling of guilt shows us that we have both moral and ethical standards and well as a sense of empathy. Guilt can help to motivate us to do better and to make choices that reduce the chances of us feeling guilty.

 

On the other hand, guilt can also be a devastating emotion, especially when it is used to manipulate others into doing something that they would otherwise not do. I believe we are all guilty of this at times (no pun intended). As a parent I know there have been times I have used guilt in order to get my girls to help out around the house more, or even to convince them to skip an outing. As a wife there have also been times I've used guilt to get my way around the house. The occasional use of guilt is generally harmless, as is feeling it occasionally, but when felt over a long period of time guilt can have some negative effects on our bodies.

 

Guilt can have the same negative effects on our body as stress places upon it. Prolonged feelings of guilt are very closely linked to depression in many people. Continually feeling guilty can lead to thoughts of not being good enough and a dreary out look on life in general. A great way to deal with on going feelings of guilt, especially self-inflicted guilt, is through the use of self-compassion.

 

Self-Compassion is an essential skill that we should all have and cultivate. Self-Compassion can help us to manage pain, hardship and suffering by allowing us to be with these feelings without any judgement. Together with mindfulness, self-compassion can help to diffuse negative thoughts about oneself. I offer specilised guided meditation to help you increase your self-compassion. Contact me today to book a session.

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]]>Tue, 27 Apr 2021 09:09:54 +1000<![CDATA[Social Media]]>https://www.innercalm.net.au/blogs/post/Social-Media

With a teenager and a pre-teen in the house social media is something that plays a big role for me as a parent. Especially in regards to education surrounding the safe use of social media. I'm a big believer in the idea that we cannot shield our children 100% from social media. It is a huge part of the world now and only seems to be growing bigger each and every day. I believe it is therefore necessary that we allow our children to use social media while teaching them how to safely navigate it.


One of the biggest things we talk about it what to share, and how much to share. Now I realise this is a bit silly saying in an online blog but, we do need to take care in what we post. Once something is out there, you can't bring it back in. The other main thing I speak to my girls about here is whenever you share something online, no matter what it is, you need to be prepared to receive negative feedback. Not everyone is always going to agree with you, or like what you post and there are some people out there who seem to get joy in bringing down other people. For me it's not always about teaching my kids to filter this out, sometimes it's about having a healthy discussion with someone else about their view. You never know what you may learn about the world, and even about yourself by doing this.


The other huge topic we talk about is how easy it is to be not true on social media. Between filters on photos and the ability to hide your true identity, not everything is always as it seems. Many teens now get a significant portion of their self-worth from feedback they receive about their appearance online. They want to look like all those people they see who look perfect. The problem with that is 90% of these people don't look like that. The photos are staged, photoshopped, and filtered. Their lives don't look like that. We have control over what we post online and so we have control over what image we present to the world. This isn't always the truth.


Something that comes up with this issue time and time again is "perfect" parents. Those parents who only ever seem to post perfectly clean children doing perfect crafts while everyone is smiling. Where teen girls feel bad that they can't look like all the models online, this can also cause parents to feel they are not good enough. Crafts are messy and when my kids were little, crafts didn't always involve smiles from everyone. The perfectly clean homes can make the rest of us feel like we are failing because our houses look like a toy shop as thrown up in them. I'm not saying that these sorts of things shouldn't be posted, but there should be a balance. It's ok to share the bad in your life too. Everyone has bad in their life. You sharing that you are struggling might just help someone who is reading your posts. They may see that they are not alone in their struggles. That it's normal to not be happy and love each and every minute of being a parent. We need to normalise the hard stuff. We need to normalise sharing our feelings. We need to remember the old saying of "A problem shared is a problem halved". We need to stop pretending to be something, and someone we are not.

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]]>Wed, 31 Mar 2021 15:06:57 +1100<![CDATA[Resilience]]>https://www.innercalm.net.au/blogs/post/resilience
It's not just for kids.

As a parent, resilience is a word I hear a lot. Especially when it comes to helping my children build resilience. My own coping strategies have led me to ponder about adults and resilience. Is it the same for us as it for kids? Do we have the same capacity to grow additional resilience as kids do? What does resilience even look like in adults?

In adults resilience seems to take a few different forms but the one that comes to mind most is our ability to cope with stress and deal with the changes that occur as we get older. These changes may be to our home situations, or to our work situations, or even to our changing bodies. Resilience isn't built into us, it's something we have to learn and develop. Even as adults we can falter at this and may need some additional help in building our resilience. Resilience is the same for us adults as it is for kids. It's the ability to adapt to our changing world. As adults though we often forget that we are allowed to stumble and need help getting back on track. Even as adults we still have the capacity to grow and to learn. Strong resilience throughout the lifespan has been shown to positively impact the health and wellbeing of older generations. You can increase your resilience as an adult in many ways across three key areas.


1. Lifestyle:

  • Practice being straightforward with others. Leave no room for ambiguity and lower the chances of having a misunderstanding.
  • Use relaxation techniques such as meditation or mindfulness. Increase your capacity to cope with the stress life can throw at you.
  • Find time for your interests and hobbies. This can help you to spend time away from the things that are causing you stress in your life.
  • Develop your relationships. Connect with those around you. Especially those you allow you to speak freely to them without judgement but will also tell you when you are in the wrong.
  • Find balance in your life. Set boundaries and stick to them.

2. Physical Health:

  • Get enough quality sleep. Make sure your sleep environment is what you need for a good night's sleep.
  • Be active. Even just a short walk each day can help you to clear your head and increase your physical fitness (or so I'm told).
  • Watch what you eat and drink. And not just as you are doing it. Having a well-balanced diet and not over indulging too often can make a world of difference.

3. Mental Health

  • Keep things in perspective. We can't change a stressful event, but we can change how we react to it, and how much thought we give it.
  • Accept that life changes as we grow. Nothing ever really stay the same, the good and the bad. Sometimes we just have to ride the wave and see where it takes us.
  • Learn from the past. Think about times where you have overcomes a stressful situation and see what techniques you used then may be appropriate for you to use now.
  • Maintain a hopeful outlook. This isn't always easy but with some practice this can help to build resilience.
  • Seek help when needed. I cannot stress this one enough! It is not weak to seek help, it does not mean you have failed, it means you need help and have the strength and courage to reach out and ask for it.

We can't control all aspects of our lives as adults, but we can learn to grow and change as much as we see our children doing.

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]]>Mon, 01 Mar 2021 18:02:28 +1100<![CDATA[Boundaries]]>https://www.innercalm.net.au/blogs/post/Boundaries

                        Setting boundaries for ourselves is just one way we can have compassion for ourselves and for others. It is a sign of good health to have boundaries, however, setting and sticking with them isn't always an easy thing to do. Prior to setting our boundaries we need to take some time to seek out and recognise where our limits are. There is no point in setting a boundary that makes you feel uncomfortable. Knowing your boundaries is a key component in having respect for yourself, and a key component in improving our self-esteem and relationships with those around us.

Boundaries are not necessarily physical boundaries. They might be connected to setting aside time in which you will do things such as check work emails. You may decide that outside of work hours you will not check your work emails. In this case the boundary helps you to separate your work from the rest of your life. A boundary between work and home allows you to conserve your emotional energy and allows you to be able to focus on work during work hours guilt free, as well as focusing on pleasure outside work hours guilt free.


Most boundaries we set in our lives, however, are focused on the relationships we have with the people around us. This might entail only seeing certain people under certain circumstances or even not seeing certain people at all. Boundaries with other people may also include specific topics of conversation. There may be certain things that are off limits in conversations with other people. One of the main things to remember is that your boundaries are not the same as other people. Communicate your boundaries clearly and firmly. If something, or someone, makes you uncomfortable you are allowed to speak up for yourself.


I find the hardest boundaries for me to set, and stick with, are doing things for other people. I will start off with a clear idea of what my boundaries are, how much work I am willing to put it. Unfortunately I tend to be a bit of a people pleaser and as such my boundaries are not always as firm as they need to be and I will often bend to help out others more than I initially intended to. This is not always an issue with my boundaries with others, it can sometimes be an issue with my internal boundaries.


The boundaries we set are influenced by many things, one of which is our own values and beliefs. I heavily value helping others, however, this comes at a price and is often in conflict with my valuing time to recharge myself. The boundaries I have set myself are there to help me, and while I know this deep down, at times my feelings of guilt surface higher and consume my ability to enforce my own internal boundaries. Over time though, with the help of meditation and mindfulness I am learning to honor my own personal boundaries and acknowledge that by taking the time for myself I actually end up with more energy to be able to help others. If you are like me and struggle with conflict in your boundaries, we can work together to help you build a greater confidence in setting and sticking with your boundaries.

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]]>Tue, 16 Feb 2021 13:42:08 +1100<![CDATA[Communicating with Compassion]]>https://www.innercalm.net.au/blogs/post/communication

It's time to have a difficult conversation.

Let’s talk about talking. Specifically, the words we use when we speak to others and how we communicate our thoughts and feelings. I know I am just as guilty as others with not using the most compassionate language. Too often we tend to speak without really thinking about the impact our words may have on other people. We listen to others, not to hear them but to respond to them. In doing that we not only miss the more subtle things being said, but we also don’t take the time to acknowledge the power that words can have.


I personally think that one of the biggest reasons we do this is due to the increased use of the written word. Tone cannot be conveyed when we type. Those other subtle things we do when we use our voice such as volume and speed can also not be conveyed when we type. As such our communications are becoming more and more about just the words that we use and less about what we are actually saying.


In order to better our communication skills we need to do a few things. Some are easy and many of us already do them in some ways. First of all we need to focus on the person we are talking to. We love to talk about ourselves, but we need to allow for space for others to share about themselves as well. This is the key to getting to know another person on a deeper level. Secondly, when we listen we should do so attentively. This includes making eye contact and not being distracted by other things. As a parent this one can be hard. Over the last almost 14 years I have had to learn how to have a conversation with a person while keeping an eye or an ear on my children. We can however limit distractions as much as possible. The biggest culprit is usually looking at your phone while talking to someone. Whatever it is you’re looking at, it can wait. Right now the person you are talking to should be the most important thing.


Thirdly, we should not rush to respond. It is ok to ask for clarification of what has just been said. This allows us to gain a deeper understand of what is being said to us. It is also ok to take a pause before responding. If you feel you need more time to formulate a response, then it is best to say so. This may also allow for space for greater understand and further clarification of what has been said. Conversations won’t always go the way you would like, and it’s important to not take this personally. We all have our own needs and desires and they will not always match up to the person with who you are speaking. In conjunction with this, try best to avoid assumptions. We all have a lot going on in our lives, much of which we do not share with others. This can influence how we might behave in a conversation. People generally have their reasons for responding or reacting in a certain way, and it may not always have to do with you personally. There may be more going on in their lives than you are aware of.


Above all else we should seek to be ourselves when we communicate. Be true to your own values and beliefs while still maintaining respect for those you are communicating with. If you are not sincere in what you say, don’t say it. This probably pertains mostly to making promises we have no intention of keeping. If you have no intention on following through, then don’t promise it. It is far better, and more compassionate, to tell someone you can’t do something than to tell them you can when you have zero intention of doing it. We often say we’ll do something for fear of hurting the other person’s feelings, but in the end it is less hurtful to be truthful. For the most part, people are very understanding when we say we can’t do something.


When we really listen to others, we can really enhance our communication. When we take the time to really think about our response and response in a helpful and compassionate way we can help to shape better and deeper communications with others. Mindfulness is a great tool that can help us to listen better and to speak with more compassion. As a meditation and mindfulness teacher as well as a counsellor, I have developed tools to assist you in listening and communicating with others including ways to better navigate challenging conversations. You can book a session with me to discuss this by clicking the book now button below.

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