Setting boundaries for ourselves is just one way we can have compassion for ourselves and for others. It is a sign of good health to have boundaries, however, setting and sticking with them isn't always an easy thing to do. Prior to setting our boundaries we need to take some time to seek out and recognise where our limits are. There is no point in setting a boundary that makes you feel uncomfortable. Knowing your boundaries is a key component in having respect for yourself, and a key component in improving our self-esteem and relationships with those around us.
Boundaries are not necessarily physical boundaries. They might be connected to setting aside time in which you will do things such as check work emails. You may decide that outside of work hours you will not check your work emails. In this case the boundary helps you to separate your work from the rest of your life. A boundary between work and home allows you to conserve your emotional energy and allows you to be able to focus on work during work hours guilt free, as well as focusing on pleasure outside work hours guilt free.
Most boundaries we set in our lives, however, are focused on the relationships we have with the people around us. This might entail only seeing certain people under certain circumstances or even not seeing certain people at all. Boundaries with other people may also include specific topics of conversation. There may be certain things that are off limits in conversations with other people. One of the main things to remember is that your boundaries are not the same as other people. Communicate your boundaries clearly and firmly. If something, or someone, makes you uncomfortable you are allowed to speak up for yourself.
I find the hardest boundaries for me to set, and stick with, are doing things for other people. I will start off with a clear idea of what my boundaries are, how much work I am willing to put it. Unfortunately I tend to be a bit of a people pleaser and as such my boundaries are not always as firm as they need to be and I will often bend to help out others more than I initially intended to. This is not always an issue with my boundaries with others, it can sometimes be an issue with my internal boundaries.
The boundaries we set are influenced by many things, one of which is our own values and beliefs. I heavily value helping others, however, this comes at a price and is often in conflict with my valuing time to recharge myself. The boundaries I have set myself are there to help me, and while I know this deep down, at times my feelings of guilt surface higher and consume my ability to enforce my own internal boundaries. Over time though, with the help of meditation and mindfulness I am learning to honor my own personal boundaries and acknowledge that by taking the time for myself I actually end up with more energy to be able to help others. If you are like me and struggle with conflict in your boundaries, we can work together to help you build a greater confidence in setting and sticking with your boundaries.